U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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