The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
