Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have aggressive nipples.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
