Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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