I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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