Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
