I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize