i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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