So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
