These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize