dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
