She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
