Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
