Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
