No stitches, just platelets and will power
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
