theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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