Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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