why didn't you poke me back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
