Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
