I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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