I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
