I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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