Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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