Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
