Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize