And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
