my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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