The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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