mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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