she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
