I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Even my vagina gasped.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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