It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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