I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
