Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
