i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You may now shotgun with the bride
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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