I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
