Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
