It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
