...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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