What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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