were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
