i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
