i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
