What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
