Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
