My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
