You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize