Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
