My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
