My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
