It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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