I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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