Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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