I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
high people should be assigned attendants
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
