This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
