she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
