is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
