At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
