So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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