He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize