This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
