I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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