I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
