Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
