I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
