Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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