we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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