I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
