Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize