as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
