I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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