my sisters under your porch take her home
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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