Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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