She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
