So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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