Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
