Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
