i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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