If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
