Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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