Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize