So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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