I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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