Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
