the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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