I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
