Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
