Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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