A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize