Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize