no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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