Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
