Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
someone owes me an orgasm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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