on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
