Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
