This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
