there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
