i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
