i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
