who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
