The maid of honor just puked.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
