shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
