then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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