Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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