dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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