I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
