ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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