Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
